Scott McNealy's Xmas dream | The Register: "Next up on the Big Guy's lap is Paul Otellini of Intel. 'Santa, can't I please, please have a 64-bit processor that works?'
Santa puts on a very stern face. 'Paul, last year you wished for that and I gave you Itanium. Now you can't just throw it in the trash because you're fed up with it. You've got to find a way to make it work.'
'Aw, Santa. You know it'll never work. Our engineers know it'll never work. Only HP believes it'll work - and those guys believe in fairies and elves.' Paul trudges off sullenly.
Matthew Szulik of Red Hat is the next kid to visit with St. Nick.
"Ho, ho, ho," says Santa. "Matthew, you have been such a good boy little boy this year. What would you like to see under your tree?"
Szulik has a big gleam in his eyes. He leans over and whispers into Santa's ear, and Santa looks up in surprise. Szulik says: "Santa, I actually have a gift for you this year. And guess what...it's free!"
"What is it?" asks Santa.
"It's a puppy - a Finnish terrier - for you to bring back to the North Pole. It wears sandals, it likes to take saunas, and, best of all, it won't cost you a penny... right now."
"Right now?" Santa asks. (You don't get to control all the presents in the world if you're not a pretty smart cookie.)
"Er...yes. There's one tiny catch. To pay for the proper care and maintenance of the puppy, every year you have to send me $5000."
As Szulik speaks, Santa's face darkens like one of those storms that blow in from Siberia. "If I have to send you $5000 a year, then the truth is that this is one expensive puppy, isn't it Matthew?"
Matthew is looking down at his shoes and nodding. Santa pushes the naughty boy off his lap. "Go to your room, Matthew. It's coal for you this year.""